A Double Edged Sword
by bethy2-2
Summary: After Cedric's death, Harry has dug himself into a hole of self loathing and hate. Will the appearance of a mysterious blonde haired girl pull him out, or dig him further in? Self harm - OC
1. The Meeting

Summary:  After Cedric's death, Harry has dug himself into a hole of self loathing and hate, but will the appearance of a mysterious blonde haired girl pull him out, or dig him further in. Self harm – Harry/Oc

A/N: Hey :) this will be my first fan-fic that I've published, so I hope you like it! Constructive criticism is highly welcomed, along with reviews.

**Warnings: ** Self-harm

Disclaimer: Sadly Harry Potter does, and always will belong to J.K Rowling.

Things hadn't been going well for Harry Potter, well that was a bit of an understatement. Things had been going horribly. Ever since Cedric's death, Harry was unable to get the boy off his mind. Questions swirled through his mind, could he have done it better? If he changed something, would Cedric still be alive? His head was full of relentless thoughts that bounced around hyperactively, giving him no rest. He had developed a bad case of insomnia, often spending each night staying up and thinking. He was lucky to get even four hours of sleep, for when his mind finally calmed enough to let him sleep, nightmares plagued his consciousness, twisting and deforming his mental state in the recesses of his mind.

The Dursely's had just been the icing on the cake. Their treatment towards him, though considerably better after threatening them with his godfather, was still horrendous. Even if he barely had the energy to walk and get out of bed they still made him do his chores relentlessly. Harry worked in a zombie-like state as he performed what was expected of the freak in the household. Cooking became an even more monotonous chore now that the food he cooked tasted little more than cardboard. Usually he could've cheered himself up at the prospect of eating the delicious food he would make, but now it seemed pointless. Though, the majority of things in Harry's life seemed pointless to him at the moment. He was well past the point of crying at this stage, he had just reverted to a living in a trance. There had been barely any letters from his friends too, '_figures,' _he thought, '_when the going gets tough they conveniently disappear.' _His trust in the people around him suffered. _Hell - _he could barely trust himself at the moment.

Later on, he had received a letter telling him he would be retrieved and taken to the safety of Sirus's home. That lit a bit of hope within Harry. Finally seeing his godfather after so long would be a weight off his shoulders. When he thought of everything that Sirius had been through, and how he still stood strong, it made Harry want to fight the feelings that followed him like the plague. But the feeling was almost always fleeting, and Harry went back to being in a numb state. Finally the day of departure had arrived. Harry sighed in relief at the thought he wouldn't have to deal with those damned chores for a long while.

Mad-Eye Moody, Professor Lupin, Tonks, Kingsley and some other five or so wizards arrived at his house to transport him to Grimmauld place. When they found him in his room, they all looked concerned at his appearance. Dark circles hung languidly under his green eyes which seemed to lack something that the occupants of the room were unable to pin-point. "Good to see you again Harry," Said Lupin giving a placating smile, extending a hand "we'll be going to Number 12 Grimmauld place." Harry took the hand and lifted himself off of his bed, joining in the party of wizards. "We'll be riding brooms," Mad-Eye said gruffly. Harry nodded in acknowledgement once he realized that they were expecting an answer from him.

"Wotcher Harry!" An enthusiastic pink haired woman piped up. "From what I hear you're quite the flyer – oh, the names Tonks by the way."

Harry extended his hand politely, "Nothing special," he replied to her praise modestly.

"Enough of the pleasantries!" Moody barked, "Get on these brooms before the damned death eaters get to us first!" Everyone began to comply with Moody's orders and mounted their brooms. The first twenty minutes of their trip had been uneventfully dull, with little to look at but the scenery that whooshed past. Then seemingly out of no-where a familiar sense of dread took hold of the group, freezing them in place. "Get into formations!" Moody yelled through the air, his voice slightly obscured by the wind whipping around.

The group quickly jumped into action, two of the order members that Harry didn't recognize parked their brooms in front of him protectively. The male on the left patted Harry on the shoulder in a seemingly comforting gesture, though Harry supposed he could've just done so to have had the honours of touching the boy-who-lived. A horde of dementor's swooped closer to him, their broken and tattered robes swaying eerily from side to side in the wind. Harry's head exploded in a myriad of voices, "Not Harry, please not Harry, kill me instead!"… "Kill the spare!"…"BOY!"

They rung in his head as he finally collapsed into darkness, the last thing he heard was his mother's scream.

* * *

><p>Harry awoke to a heavy weight being pressed against his chest. Upon further investigation he realised that Hermione had fallen asleep on his chest. Harry gently shook her until she stirred and lifted her head to see him. "Harry! You're finally awake. It's so good to see you again, I'm really sorry about not sending much mail but me and Ron we're under strict orders to not send mail that had anything important written on it, you see? Apparently Dumbledore thought your mail was being intercepted by someone, though I can't really imagine who – but I don't suppose it would be a farfetched idea, with your status in the wizarding world. Perhaps a fan? Or maybe-"<p>

"Hermione, slow down will you!" Harry groaned exasperatedly, cutting her off. Hermione promptly shut her mouth when she realised she was rambling, and instead opted to smile at her best friend, "well it _is _good to see you again Harry."

Harry grinned at her, "yeah you too." Hermione was biting her lip, looking as though she might've had something to say. Harry chose to ignore her until she spat it out, but after the silence had become a bit too oppressive Harry opted to just ask her instead. "For god's sake Hermione, just spit it out already."

Hermione fidgeted in her seat a little, "well I thought it might be a little too soon to ask, since you'd just woken up and everything-"

"Hermione," Harry interrupted for the second time that day, "What is it?"

"Well I was wondering if you'd started your homework yet?"

Harry produced a large sigh and groan at the mention of homework, trust Hermione to bring up such trivial matters while he had just woken up from being attacked. Wait - attacked? Harry jolted upright, how could he have forgotten? "Hermione is everyone okay? What happened when I was attacked?"

Hermione was a bit miffed that the conversation had diverted from homework, but she supposed she could tackle him about it later anyways. "Everyone's fine. From what I heard Professor Lupin drove off the dementor's with his patronus after you passed out."

Harry let out a breath he had been holding and his muscles relaxed at the revelation. "That's good," he muttered.

Hermione nodded in assent, "yes it's lucky no-one was injured badly, Dumbledore's investigating now how so many dementor's managed to escape into the muggle world. He thinks it's a personal attack rather than just negligence by the ministry." Hermione was silent for a few seconds, contemplating the information she knew. Suddenly she had an epiphany, "Harry what if the person intercepting those letters was the one who sent the dementor's after you!"

Harry blinked, that hadn't occurred to him before, "well, so what if it is the same person?"

Hermione huffed in annoyance at his denseness, "_well_ that means someone is targeting you personally, and most probably they work _for the ministry_! I've got to tell Dumbledore, I'll be back later," she called over her shoulder. Harry blinked again, trust Hermione…

Harry felt a sudden urge to get up and move around, he was in a different house he didn't recognise which he supposed must've been Number 12 Grimmauld place. Harry lethargically stood up, stretching and cracking a few of his joints in the process. He ventured out of the bedroom and looked through a few of the vacant rooms on his floor. He was about to turn back until he saw a flash of blonde hair through the crack in one of the doors. Gently he knocked on the door and waited for a reply. Seconds later, a blue eyed girl with waist length blonde hair opened the door a crack. Her eyes scanned him up and down as if appraising him before opening her mouth, "Come in."

Harry stepped into the small study, examining the room whilst keeping an eye on the female occupant in the room. "So?" She said abruptly, causing Harry to start.

"Er…" Harry responded intelligibly.

"So why are you in here? What do you want?"

Harry scratched the back of his neck, unsure of what to say. "I was just looking through the house I guess…"

The petite blonde huffed a little, mumbling something under her breath Harry couldn't hear. "I'm Rey, who're you?"

"Harry, Harry Potter," he answered, if not a little timid compared to the girl's brash attitude. She raised her eyebrow in surprise, "Well I guess I ought to say something about how much of an honour it is to meet you, Mr. Potter, thought pleasantries were hardly ever my thing."

"Honestly, I could care less about them," Harry replied a little mischievously. Rey returned the smile in full. "Well, sit down I suppose. There isn't much to do in this house but you seem like you could kill my boredom a little."

"I could've said the same for you, you're the sanest _and most_ interesting person I've talked to for quite a while."Harry supposed that Voldemort could be considered a fairly interesting person, but he wasn't exactly sane so the conversations with him weren't so pleasant. Well, if you just put aside the fact whenever they were in the same room they had been trying to kill each other…

"So how come I've never heard of you before?" Harry questioned Rey.

She seemed to consider this question, carefully picking her words, "I'm… a relative of Sirius's. I needed some place to stay for a while so I came here."

Harry was hoping she'd say something else so he could learn more about her, but her lips seemed sealed beyond what she had said. In the first place he wasn't even sure why he was taking such an interest in the girl anyway. Well sure she was pretty, but there was just something about her that made Harry want to open up to her. It felt like no matter what he said, her eyes could discern between the truth and lies of anything he'd say. He made the conclusion early on that lying to such a girl would be utterly useless. Faintly, Harry heard someone calling his name from downstairs. "Off you go," Rey shooed him off, "Oh by the way, it would be… most prudent not to mention my name to anyone here."

Harry turned to her in confusion, "Why?"

Her eyes flickered in annoyance, "Because of my heritage people are less than pleased at me being here. Any mention of the golden boy talking to Rey would get me kicked out of this house faster than you can say Finite Incantatum."

Harry's confused frown deepened, "-but-"

"No but's, just promise me," she pleaded, looking really desperate now, "You're the only person who I actually like talking to, I'd hate to have to leave."

Harry sighed, resigned. "Alright I promise, bye for now I 'spose."

Rey smiled cheerily as he walked out the door. Harry felt a pang of pity as he considered her words. She didn't seem like a bad person to him. Shrugging the bad thoughts off, Harry wondered downstairs to greet the rest of the house's occupants.

Seeing everyone again felt kind of nice. Even though Harry couldn't completely shake off the negative feelings, this was probably the closest he came to really feeling content. Harry often talked to Rey after their first meeting throughout the few weeks he had spent at Grimmauld place. Harry liked her, he liked her a lot. She reminded him of someone who would be there for you no matter what. He knew she wouldn't abandon him. He often opened up to her at times about Cedric, and tried to explain the overwhelming sense of guilt and anguish that washed over him every time he thought of the Hufflepuff's face.

Contrary to popular belief that time healed all wounds, Harry was just feeling worse and worse about the whole situation. He felt more and more numb as he came to the conclusions that everything bad that had happened in his life, he had caused. Feeling desperate and wanting to be alone one day, Harry holed himself up in a spare bedroom he had found while exploring the house. He sat down on the dusty bed and put his head in his hands, groaning in annoyance. A familiar flash of blonde hair accompanied by the squeaking of the door alerted Harry to Rey's presence. "Get out," Harry deadpanned.

"Hmm… I'd rather not," She denied him almost playfully –which Harry allowed, while bouncing towards Harry. Rey sat behind him and put her arms around his neck. "Shh" she cooed. "I know how your feeling" she whispered in his ear, Harry shook his head "you wouldn't."

Rey smirked, "You feel as if nothing matters anymore and that every day is just a chore. Living is too hard and you just can't take any more suffering, you've already lost enough, you're numb," she ended on a high note.

Harry turned on the girl, her blue eyes dancing as she stared straight at him. "I know how to stop it, I can help you," she said eerily, as she rolled up Harry's robe on his left arm. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a box knife, and put one hand on Harry's right which now held the sharp tool and the other hand under his left forearm. "Suicide?" he questioned, "I'm not that desperate."

Rey let out a musical laugh. "Not quite" she mused as she took control of his left hand and poked the blade onto his inner forearm, "trust me" she spoke enticingly into his ear. Harry shuddered at her hot breath brushing against his neck and relaxed, letting her take over. Rey wrapped her long, pale fingers around Harry's hand tighter and let the blade drag across his skin leaving small bubbles of blood to form around the wound. Rey noticed Harry flinching at the pain and murmured "It's ok, it's ok… you can feel, you're human" she assured him. "Let the blood that ties you to Voldemort leave you." Harry leaned back into her and she embraced him while patting his messy black hair. She lifted his arm to her mouth and licked the wound clean.

Harry had never felt this alive or this accepted ever. A sharp knock on his door made him jump and quickly cover his arm with his robe. "Harry dinner's ready," Remus called. Harry sighed and looked back into Rey's icy blue eyes. Rey shot up quickly making Harry jump in surprise.

"Hurry up or they'll start getting worried about the _oh so precious_ boy-who-lived." She snorted derisively, turning on her heel and leaving. Harry's mouth quirked upwards at her antics as he headed down to the dining room.

Harry took a seat next to Lupin and Rey, who sat at the end of the table. Lupin gave Harry an odd look, and kept throwing him glances all throughout dinner, making Harry very uncomfortable.

After everyone had finished up their meals Lupin beckoned Harry towards him. Lupins lead them into a small study where he motioned for Harry to sit. "Are you injured?" He questioned, "I can smell the blood."

Harry mentally cursed, but kept calm on the outside "No, not that I know of."

Lupin's eyebrows knitted together before he requested that Harry take off his robe. Harry reluctantly did so exposing his suspiciously straight fresh cut. "And how did you do that?" He pointed at Harry's arm.

"Tripped over and caught it on a nail," Harry answered curtly. Remus looked at him disbelievingly, while pulling out his wand and healing the wound leaving an ugly red scar.

"If you ever need to talk-"

"Thanks, but I'm fine," Harry interrupted.

Remus gave him an I-don't-believe-you-but-I'll-pretend-I-do smile. It sickened Harry, he hated when people pretended around him to '_protect' _him or some bullshit. Harry stormed out, he needed to find Rey to calm him down.

Harry searched through all the rooms he could find until he came to Ron's. He pulled open the door and stuck his head in, "Ron, Hermione have you seen-"he said hurriedly, but was interrupted by a sharp pain in his shin. Harry turned to make an angry remark at whoever kicked him but relaxed and a smile spread over his face when he saw Rey looking at him, her waist length blonde hair pulled back into a high ponytail. "Never mind!" Harry called to Ron and Hermione who shared a confused glance. Rey took Harry's hand and led him up to his bedroom. She shut the door locked it and turned with a stern face towards Harry. "Look" she sighed "I thought I told you I don't want you talking to them, _anyone_, about me ok?"

Harry shrugged and knitted his eyebrows, "I guess you did…"

She breathed out sharply, "some people don't like me being here and don't want to hear of me." Her voice held a note of finality and Harry knew she wouldn't talk any more though he was dying to ask her questions.

He stared at the petite blonde unsure of what to say. Abruptly he was brought into a hug.

"You are the most important person to me Harry," she stated. She was a bit like a small child, Harry mused, Rey was very possessive and stubborn but Harry loved her nonetheless.

He stroked her smooth hair gently and led her to his bed and they lay there holding each other until they both fell asleep.

* * *

><p>Harry woke alone and tired. He was a bit disappointed that Rey wasn't there, but that's how it was most days. Rey was exceedingly elusive, one minute she was there the next she was gone. Sometimes she would even disappear for hours on end. Harry changed quickly into a plain green shirt and black jeans and made his way downstairs to make breakfast, it was kind of a habit for him to do it since he always woke up earlier than the rest of the houses inhabitants. Mrs. Weasly always complained but Harry sort of liked doing it, it gave him a sense of routine and made him feel useful.<p>

So needless to say Harry was rather surprised when he found breakfast nearly done. It was a real feast too, that looked like it would've taken at least an hour to do. There was bacon, sausages, scrambled eggs, mushrooms, baked beans, hash browns, and tomatoes that would cater for the whole house, and maybe even more. Harry headed towards the kitchen to find out who could have cooked this all up. He was shocked to find Rey in the kitchen cooking up the last of the bacon strips. She smiled warmly at him and turned her attention back to the fry pan.

"I didn't know you could cook so well," harry said, letting a bit of astonishment creep into his voice. "If you can cook so can I," she said smugly. Harry snorted and put his hands on her hips, standing behind her as she continued cooking.

"If you have time to do that," she laughed hitting his hand playfully, "You can help me cook the last of this," she pointed to the uncooked sausages. Harry groaned.

"Yes mother," he mumbled

"OI! I heard that Harry James Potter."

Harry laughed happily and received a punch on the arm. Harry started when Lupin spoke from beside him, "Good morning Harry, nice breakfast," he nodded appraisingly, "what's the occasion?" he asked raising an eyebrow.

"Oh it wasn't-" Harry was cut off by a glare from Rey, "I mean I just felt like it" he shrugged.

"Who were you talking to before?" He suddenly asked.

Harry kept true to his word, "No-one." Lupin stared at Rey angrily for a while before turning back to Harry. "It didn't sound like no-one." Remus pursed his lips waiting for an answer and glaring daggers back at Rey. Harry was saved from answering as a few of the Weasley's and Hermione came into the room. "Bloody hell!" Ron exclaimed, "Reminds me of Hogwarts."

Remus took one last lingering look at Harry before walking upstairs, presumably to wake up the late risers.

Breakfast was going smoothly until Sirius mentioned Voldemort. "I got the Daily Prophet this morning, he's gone and killed 4 muggle families last night for having magical children or siblings," he scowled. Surprisingly Rey was the first to react, she slammed her fists down onto the table, "DON'T TALK ABOUT THAT!" she screamed, and turned to leave. Harry snarled at Sirius and got up to follow her leaving a silent table behind. As much as he loved Sirius he couldn't believe he'd made her that angry, after she'd cooked them all breakfast even though she refused to acknowledge her. Harry grabbed her wrist when they reached the hall which made Rey scream, "WHAT!" but she immediately softened her expression when she saw who it was.

"Sorry Harry, it's not your fault, not you, you couldn't help it. It was Voldemort that made you see the things you do Harry." She looked at him pleadingly, "Don't blame yourself for their deaths just because you saw it through _him_."

Harry was confused as _hell_. "What are you talking about?" he asked incredulously.

Rey looked up at him then she spoke gently, "You don't remember?"

Harry shook his head.

"Last night you woke up screaming, and you told me all about it, how you saw all those muggles get tortured and killed by Voldemort…" she trailed off. Comprehension dawned on Harry as he remembered the events of last night. They hadn't been pleasant. Harry wandered to his bedroom and put his head in his hands as he sat on the edge of his bed, curled into a tight ball. The youngest that was killed would have been around 6 or 7, and she was put under the Cruciatus curse at least three times before Voldemort's Death Eater's decided to put an end to her life. Harry felt himself shaking but he couldn't stop it. He vaguely registered someone putting their arm around him and speaking to him.

Harry tried his best to tune into the speakers words, "…Didn't think that it's affect you so much, I'm sorry it was stupid of me," The man muttered. Harry finally clicked that it was Sirius and raised his head to look at his godfather in the eyes and shook his head. "Voldemort… k-killed them all, I s-saw it a-all happen." His voice broke. Sirius stood shock still for a moment before wrapping his arms around his Godson. Harry couldn't help the sob that erupted from his chest as he leaned into his Godfather's embrace. "I couldn't do a t-thing! I couldn't save them," he whimpered. Sirius Shh'd him and rubbed soothing circles into his back. After a while of calming down, Harry looked into Sirius's eyes that only held concern and worry, so different from Rey's, who just held emptiness and the desire to possess.

The door to his room squeaked and Harry looked up to see a livid Rey staring at the scene. Before Harry could call out her name she was gone. "Shit," Harry cursed under his breath. He stood up quickly and attempted to chase after the girl. "Harry!" he heard Sirius call as he rushed through the door, searching.

He'd practically betrayed her trust, he said she was the most important but in that moment he had forgotten about her and turned to Sirius for comfort instead. After searching the house a good three times, Harry resigned himself to one of the three green couches in front of the fireplace. Harry vaguely recognized Hermione and Ron on one couch and Mr. and Mrs. Weasly sitting on the other. Harry opted for the free couch, put his fingers on the bridge of his nose and tapped his foot rapidly against the floor nervously.

"Are you okay dear?" Mrs. Weasly asked in concern taking in Harry's state. He stopped tapping his foot temporarily to look up to Mrs. Weasly and forced a weak smile and nodded, and resumed his tapping. Everyone in the room was whispering about him and his odd behavior. He picked up several words like _'weird, not right, stupid, unnatural, freak.' _

He had had enough and jumped to his feet "SHUT UP, STOP TALKING!" he roared furiously. He looked down at the surprised faces of his _friends._ He didn't need these people, he needed Rey and now she was god-knows-where because he had betrayed her trust. He groaned and put his face in his hands again, stomping out of the room in disgust for himself and everyone around him. He raced into his room, locked his door, and started opening his drawers looking for the box cutter again. He sunk onto his bed when he couldn't find it. "Rey, Rey, Rey, Rey, Rey, Rey," he muttered again and again.

He felt a soft hand touch his shoulder, I'll come back to you if you promise not to betray me again" a gentle voice whispered. Harry looked up, distressed, to see Rey standing over him. He pulled her down next to him and hugged her tightly murmuring sorry repeatedly.

Rey pulled Harry into her lap and hugged him tightly. "I think you were looking for this?" she queried as she pulled the box cutter out of her robe pocket. Harry sighed in relief.

"Please" he whimpered. Rey smiled in understanding and repeated what she had done earlier for him, and controlled his hands, leaving yet another cut above the angry red scar. This time it had been a bit deeper than before and more blood seeped out. Harry watched in morbid fascination. Rey again licked his wound, this time sucking at his skin a bit.

"You're mine" she stated. "You'll need a reminder of me too," she laughed, pulling his collar down and sucking at his skin, biting it ever so slightly leaving a red mark.

"I'm yours," Harry breathed.


	2. Stir Crazy

A/N: Any constructive criticism will be highly welcomed!

Disclaimer: Don't own it, don't sue me.

**Warnings:** Self harm

Harry was going stir-crazy, well more-so than he had been before. Being locked up in a dark, dirty and musty house for weeks on end really wasn't as fun as it sounded... He had little means of entertainment, as he was forbidden to use magic or even leave the house. Yes, Harry Potter was certainly going _stir crazy_. Rey had been keeping him company occasionally but even having her around wasn't enough to keep Harry occupied. Also considering the fact he could never seem to find her. Harry figured that she would've been allowed to leave the house since she wasn't a part of the order, or _Harry freaking Potte_r, just a guest.

Harry crunched his teeth together in frustration, things weren't going well. He still felt numb, and his thoughts hadn't relented on taunting him about the death of Cedric Diggory. His nightmares were now plagued with a mix of his mother, Cedric, and whatever the hell those visions were that Voldemort was sending him. Harry decided that even if he couldn't leave the house, he may as well take a walk around. The house was rather large after all so he felt that after doing a lap or so of all the floors and rooms he would've walked a considerable distance. In the midst of his walk, Harry overheard hushed talking coming from Sirius's bedroom. Curious, he leaned over to listen.

"I know but what can I do about it?" he heard Sirius say.

"Talk to him and let him know you're there, he hasn't been the same since Cedric's death and he needs you more than ever," Remus spoke this time.

Harry heard shuffling in the room and a small thud which Harry guessed was probably Sirius sitting himself down in a childish huff on the bed or floor. "There there dear," Mrs. Weasley cooed. There was a short silence which Mr. Weasley broke. "One thing that worries me is how quick he is to lose his temper, Molly and I were talking about when we would go to Diagon Alley to buy the school supplies with Harry, Hermione and the kids, and he screamed at us to shut up."

There was a collective pause, then Lupin growled "And the company he's been keeping…"

Their voices faded as Harry strode out of earshot. 'What's so bad about Rey!' he thought in a huff, fingering the red mark she left on his neck gingerly. Everyone seemed to be against her like she was some kind of menace, especially Remus. They didn't _get _it, as childish and angsty as Harry thought that made him sound, they really didn't. The only person who was stopping him from literally destroying anything in his path in a mix of rage and depression was Rey. He often joked to her about how he felt she was his little ray of sunshine in this dark depressive mansion. Harry sighed to himself and supposed he was being a little blasé and cold with the people living with them.

It wasn't like he hated them or anything, quite the opposite, but every time he seemed to be in their company all the asked was if he was okay, if he wanted to talk and if he wanted to have some sort of deep and meaningful conversation where he would let all his feelings go, which he certainly _did not_ want to do. That was more of a girl's thing to do in the first place. All of a sudden, someone grabbed hold of the back of Harry's collar on his shirt, effectively stopping him, _and_ choking him. Harry mused how that could be used well in a battlefield, silently of course since all that could come out of his mouth at the moment were strange gurgling sounds. As soon as the stranger released the death-grip on his collar, Harry whipped around to give the assailant a piece of his mind. Though as his eyes landed on a small blonde, all his anger dissipated and his scowl turned into a pleasant smile.

"Hey you," she greeted genially.

Harry's goofy grin didn't leave his face as he greeted her back. Harry felt her soft small hand slide into his own as she proceeded to drag him to an abandoned room. "Where've you been lately?" Harry questioned curiously.

"Oh you know, out and about…" she answered vaguely.

"So you're actually allowed to leave the house now and then? Must be lovely not being stuck here like an animal on the farm." Harry was a bit jealous that she could leave at her own will while he was stuck here and miserable while she seemed to be positively glowing.

Rey grinned happily, "Yep, twenty-four-seven access to the outside world."

Harry began to pout and mutter obscenities under his breath about the unfairness of it all. He knew he was acting like a brat but he was annoyed for gods-sake. Two soft hands placed themselves on either sides of his face, "Pouting is unbecoming of a gentleman such as your self," Rey whispered. She was so close to his face Harry could feel her warm breath blow across his face, in turn making his face flush red.

"Well I was never one to follow the rules was I?"

Rey giggled letting go, "I suppose that is true, isn't it Harry Potter." Harry silently mourned from the lack of contact.

"You never did tell me where you disappeared off to you know?" Harry was curious about where she would go in her spare time. He couldn't really imagine her in some kind of joke shop, neither could he imagine her fussing over articles of clothing in the stores at Diagon alley. Harry wondered if she was visiting a friend, maybe just going for a walk? But before Harry's imagination got too out of hand, she answered him. "I had to go pick up my new wand from Ollivander's."

Harry raised an eyebrow, "A new wand?"

"Mm well you see I lost my old one so I had to go pick up a new one," she answered, looking at her fingernails. A question suddenly popped into his mind, something he really should've thought of asking a while ago.

"Just how old are you?"

Rey snapped her head up in annoyance, "Gosh Harry, that's one of the big no-no's to ask a lady."

Harry snorted, "Rule breaker, remember?"

"Right… well I turned seventeen this year so I guess I'm about two years older than you."

Harry stared at her for a long time, "Right, and I joined Voldemort's ranks. Really how old are you?"

She sniffed in disgruntlement, "Seven-teen."

"No really I want to know how old you are!"

Rey could've ripped her hair out, "Harry James Potter, do NOT make me repeat myself again!"

Unexpectedly Harry burst into a fit of laughter, "You... seventeen…. Short!" he gasped between fits of giggles. Needless to say Rey was less than impressed.

"What makes it so hard to believe I'm seventeen?" She asked with an icy edge to her voice that Harry could only associate with danger, so quickly he sobered up before any damage could be done with that new wand which she was actually permitted to use by the ministry at any time.

"Err… just since you're so short I just assumed you were probably younger than me..." Harry trailed off realizing how stupid his argument probably sounded.

Rey just looked at him in disbelief, "Harry… you do realise age isn't measured by height right?"

Harry had the decency to look a little ashamed, "well yeah, it's just a little unexpected so to speak."

"WHAT is?" Rey asked dangerously calm.

"Nothing at all," Harry responded too quickly.

Rey smiled heartily at him, "Fantastic then."

There was a very awkward silence between the two in which Harry looked bashful while Rey stood there smiling evilly. "Aw Harry you're so cute when your shy," she teased.

Harry's blush intensified, "Shut up." Then all of a sudden it struck Harry, he'd laughed. Not just laughed to go along with the flow, but _really laughed. _He all of a sudden didn't feel nearly as cheery as he had been. He didn't see how he had the right to laugh, not after what he'd done. His mood took a nose dive as he exited the room, mumbling some half assed excuse as to why he was departing. Rey tried to grab his hand but he roughly shook her off, "don't touch me," he hissed darkly. Harry retreated back to his room and wallowed in his self misery. An idea occurred to him to find the box cutter. He wanted to _hurt. _It was punishment, he told himself, for not being strong enough. He methodically lifted his left arm and pressed the blade into it with a sort of urgency.

Adrenaline coursed through his veins so rapidly that the pain didn't even register in his mind until he had made a new and deeper cut than the previous few. Harry tangled his fingers in his hair, feeling like screaming. He felt somewhat better after the cut, be he still felt like he deserved to be punished more. He hated those eyes, the eyes of people who just looked on in pity. He would've preferred to be yelled at, screamed and cursed. Yet, people would just look on at him with an infuriating look of understanding. They _didn't _understand, not really. They didn't know what it felt like to be solely hunted down by the most powerful wizard of their generation who constantly took everything precious from him, one by one. Harry only realised his arm was bleeding quite a bit when drops of blood started dripping on his leg, staining his pants.

Harry quickly uncovered a cloth and wiped away at the blood that seemed to not want to stop, throwing the box cutter onto the top of his side table. Eventually though, the blood started to clot and slow. For this Harry was grateful. It was rather uncomfortable having to press down on a wound that didn't seem to be healing. Once he was sure the blood had come to a complete stop, Harry wandered to the closest bathroom to wash the dried blood off. Harry was determined not to have Lupin smell the blood that lingered around him this time. He wasn't really sure how sharp his nose was but at least he could do his best to make it as unnoticeable as possible. A sharp rap on the door alerted Harry to the presence of another. "Harry dinner's ready, better come quick or it might all be gone," Ron called from outside the door. Harry swore he could hear Ron's stomach grumbling irritably at the lack of nutrition.

"Be right down," Harry answered as he heard the retreating footsteps of Ron, clearly eager to get his hands on his food. Harry quickly finished washing up and headed downstairs to the table.

Harry opted to sit on the seat closest to the edge of the table to avoid any conversations that may have been started. He ate his dinner slowly, not being really able to enjoy the meal as much as he would've wanted. After picking with his food some more, Harry finally lifted his head which was lowered to avoid anyone's attention and saw Rey. She, like him was sitting on the very edge of a bench seat. Next to her was a dark skinned wizard harry vaguely remember as someone named Kingsley. He was taking so much room up that Rey was nearly falling off the stool. Harry wanted to say something but refrained as he remembered the promise he had made to act like he had no connection with her.

Though it really was hard to refrain from yelling at Kingsley's face for such blatant disregard at someone's feelings. The next events that took place seemed to happen in slow motion for Harry. Kingsley shifted to the side, effectively knocking Rey right off the bench to the floor. Harry opened his mouth to scream at the offending person just to find that nothing would come out of his mouth. Harry whipped around to Rey, whom was holding a wand in her right hand, pointed slightly up at Harry. Harry's anger surmounted as he felt his whole body starting to shake in rage. He was trying to _help _her for Merlin's sake, why did she deny his help so adamantly! Mrs. Weasley leaned over to Harry and offered him some pea's, but in his rage Harry didn't notice anything. Suddenly he felt his mouth come back into control and he spat out, "Fuck you, bitch!"

There was a very long silence in which everyone in the room turned to stare at Harry, some with their mouths wide open. Only then did he realise the pot of pea's Mrs. Weasley was holding out and offering to him, and that everyone in the room was under the impression he had meant that for the red-headed mother. Harry wanted to deny he was swearing at her, but knew if he did that he would have to explain about Rey, which he had specifically promised _not to._ Instead of even trying to explain himself, Harry stormed from the room in a rage ignoring several comments which stated he couldn't speak to her that way. Harry slammed the door to his bedroom and lay himself down on his bed. He didn't feel comfortable but at least he was alone – well that was until Rey came in.

There was a hard glint in her eye that meant business. "Did you REALLY just call me a bitch? Did you _really _say fuck you, to _ME!"_ she screamed loudly. Harry had to admit, he was slightly scared of the girl right now. He had never seen her this angry before. Even though what he had said was harsh, a surge of anger radiated within Harry. Everything he did was to protect her, and what did she do? She threw it right back in his face. She took away his right to _speak _for her. _Then _when she had let the spell go, he inadvertently called Mrs. Weasley a bitch. Harry had no idea how he was going to explain the reason he'd mouthed off at her so harshly. "I was just trying to help," Harry alleged in an unusually calm voice despite the anger her was feeling inside.

"I don't need your help Harry," Rey spoke coolly, her cold blue eyes regarding him in anger. Harry sneered distastefully, "You know what? I won't take any of that back, you really are just a stuck up bitch. I can see why they don't want you around."

Rey's eyes flashed in unmistakable fury as she picked up the box cutter that lay discarded on the side table, unwinding the blade. "Jesus Rey what're you doing?" Harry asked in genuine fear as she raised her arm with the box cutter in it. Quickly she aimed the cutter at Harry but failed to hit him as he moved out of the way just in time. "Calm the fuck down will you?" Harry shouted, half with fear, half anger.

"Calm down?" Rey asked in an emotionless voice, followed by a hollow laugh. "How can I _calm down_ when the only person I even wanted in my life told me I was a bitch? Who practically told me I was an absolute pest!"

Harry's eyes widened as he realised the implications of what he had just said, "I'm sorry Rey…"

She laughed derisively, "You don't mean that!"

Harry leaned against the wall behind him on the bed and grabbed Rey's forearm that didn't hold the blade, pulling her closer to him, "I mean it," he intoned sincerely, looking straight into her eyes which were almost devoid of any real emotion. Their faces were only inches apart, and Harry could see her lifting her knife as if to strike him again. Harry tensed, but relaxed as soon as he saw her drop the instrument onto the bed. Rey stared into his eyes before pushing her lips onto Harry's in a swift motion.

Her kiss was frantic, and Harry responded in full. She wrapped her hands around the back of his head, deepening the kiss. Harry's arms in turn also wrapped themselves around Rey's waist, both now desperate for some kind of comfort they somehow could find in each other. Harry thought Rey was just as fucked up as he was right now. Rey glided her tongue along the bottom of Harry's lip, and Harry opened his mouth to allow her tongue free reign over his mouth. It was the first time Harry had kissed anyone so… seriously before. And he liked it. A lot.

Reluctantly, Rey broke the kiss to look right into Harry's eyes, mirroring Harry's previous thoughts, "We're just as fucked up as each other."

* * *

><p>Rey lay peacefully in Harry's arms having her hair stroked softly for what seemed like an lengthy amount of time before she stood up to leave the room without saying a word, leaving Harry alone again. Harry knew he had some explaining to do to Mrs. Weasley but opted to stay in his room to procrastinate as much as he could. He didn't want to see the disappointed and angry faces of his godfather and friends. God, Ron would be angry, no more like furious. He was all about family, and when someone insulted one of his own he took it as a personal insult. Harry supposed that was nice in some ways but could also be troublesome when situations like this occurred.<p>

Harry worked out what he wanted to say in his head, but everything just didn't seem to sound smooth. Every explanation where he left out Rey made his argument seem disjointed and untruthful. Well one way or another he was going to have to be untruthful if he didn't want to lose someone important to him, though Harry was worried about the fact he would lose other people in the process of webbing his lies together. Groaning Harry balled his fists together and hit the pillow in frustration. He had a feeling the best way of going about things would to be just winging it. Sure there may a few holes in his explanation here and there but at least him could put some emotion into his words rather than feeling like reciting a bunch of lines from a play.

A sharp knock at the door a few minutes later pulled him out of his thoughts. "Harry, outside. Now," came the angry voice of Lupin. Harry stared at the door regretfully as he pulled himself out of bed slowly. Harry cracked the door open an inch and laid eyes upon a very, very pissed off werewolf. Harry gulped audibly. He'd heard from Sirius that it wasn't the brightest of ideas to make the werewolf lose his temper. Harry reluctantly opened the door fully and stepped out into the hall.

"I think you have some explaining to do to Mrs. Weasley?"

Harry averted his eyes in favour of studying the oh-so interested hems of his shirt, "Spose I do, don't I?"

Harry shuffled after Professor Lupin as he showed the way through the house. Harry felt like a sheep going straight into the slaughterhouse. Eventually they arrived in the dining room – where Harry thought, all the drama seemed to go down. Mrs. Weasley's eyes were rimmed red, and a few abandoned tissues lay around her. Sirius and Arthur were also sitting around the table looking a little more than lost at the turn or events. Sirius looked like he didn't know how to handle crying women and Arthur just seemed awkward while he rubbed circles into Mrs. Weasley's back. "Do you have something to say?" Sirius asked seriously, trying his best to put on a stern voice and act like a responsible adult while failing quite miserably.

Harry cringed under the combined gaze of everyone in the room. It was times like this Harry wished he was an animagus like Pettigrew, so then maybe he could just scuttle away out of danger. However, Harry was certainly not secretly a mouse and therefore was forced to answer lest drawing more of the unmistakable anger from the room's occupants.

"Well…" Harry stumbled through his words, "I wasn't exactly yelling at _you_ Mrs. Weasley."

There was a brief silence in which everyone looked at him, waiting for him to continue what he was saying. In his mind, Harry was racing through hordes of possible things he could say. He came up with a thought he could just say he was yelling at the voices in his head, but he supposed that probably would get him locked up in St. Mungo's - something of which he was very keen to not happen. "Was it something to do with Voldemort?"Sirius chimed in.

Harry could've kissed the man, he hadn't thought of bringing Voldemort into the equation. Whenever Harry mentioned Voldemort, he almost immediately brought on a little pity party by any concerned adult within hearing range. Harry tried his best to look downcast, 'yeah, it was."

As Harry predicted, almost immediately their gazes softened and a look of pity replaced the angry expressions. Harry hated that piteous look. Everywhere he went lately people seemed to have that expression glued onto their faces.

"What happened?" Remus asked gently, placing a hand on Harry's right shoulder looking very sorry. Harry at least had the decency to feel a little ashamed he was lying to people who only gave him their concern and love but his self-preservation instincts kicked in as he kept on with the lie. "I just kept remember the visions Voldemort kept sending through the connection, and because of that I… I felt completely overwhelmed and… well I don't really know what I was thinking until I tried to yell at what was in my head. I didn't know you were there though, honestly, otherwise I wouldn't have said what I did."

Molly nodded grimly and started to wail enthusiastically, "you poor boy!"

Everyone in the room seemed to conveniently forget the fact that when he yelled, he said 'bitch'. It was definitely aimed at a woman but Harry was just glad everyone seemed to accept what he was saying. He breathed a large sigh of relief as everyone in the room seemed to calm down and laugh in relief over the fact Harry hadn't just snapped at the Weasley patriarch, though they still shot him concerned glances every now and then. Sirius grinned at Harry, and Harry being as grateful as he could be to Sirius for mentioning Voldemort, grinned back happily. This seemed to cheer the man up and his grin widened if that was at all possible. A light squeeze on his shoulder alerted him to the fact that Remus was staring down at the boy with a glint in his eye that seems to say, '_we need to talk.'_ Harry's suspicions were confirmed when Remus voiced aloud these thoughts and discreetly steered Harry away from the situation into a study that Remus had occupied with his belongings.

"Sit down," Professor Lupin spoke while vaguely motioning to a slightly dusty two seat sofa. Harry did the best he could to discreetly wipe off some of the dust before sitting down. There was an awkward silence in which Remus paced the room while Harry looked up at his old professor expectantly. Harry decided to just break the silence that seemed to weigh heavily in the room, "err… so why exactly did you want to talk to me?"

Remus looked a bit startled when he heard Harry's voice, as if he didn't know he was sitting right there. He bit his bottom lip in deliberation looking for the right words to say, "I've… noticed a few things about you recently. Your behaviour's been a bit erratic and I just thought that maybe, you were going through some things that you didn't know how to handle."

Remus was fumbling through his words and what he wanted to say didn't seem to come out right. He'd noticed the cut on Harry's arm that he had previously seen was a little _too_ straight and perfect looking to have been an accident, and how his mood had been all over the place. Remus wasn't sure how to really bring that up without the boy exploding in his face.

He knew that feelings and emotions were a difficult thing to talk about to teenagers, especially those who were going through hardships and were too proud and ashamed to say anything about it. He had been a teenager once after all, and he had had his fair share of trouble when he was trying to deal with the fact he was a werewolf in a world where he would be looked down on for something he couldn't control. He supposed Harry was slightly similar in that regard. He was looked down on by some people for something that happened when he wasn't even old enough to walk.

"I just wondered if you were going through more than you let on. With Voldemort back in power I understand that there would be a considerable amount of pressure on you right now."

Harry's face immediately blanked and shut down any emotion he may have been feeling. That disturbed Lupin slightly. It almost seemed as if he was hiding something big, he had often seen prisoners of war adopt similar expressions when questioned about information they were unwilling to give up.

"No, everything's been the same as usual," Harry deadpanned.

"Don't shut me out, Harry," Lupin gently coaxed. Harry just looked Lupin dead in the eye with a blank unreadable expression.

"If something was bothering me so much I would tell you, really."

Remus ran his hands over his face, "That's just the problem. I don't know if you really would come to anyone if anything was wrong. Knowing you, you'd shut everyone out and try keeping everything to yourself."

Annoyance briefly flittered along Harry's face, "Don't you trust me?"

Remus sighed, Harry was bringing out the guilt card. Of course he trusted Harry. He just didn't think that he really knew how to handle everything. He might _think_ he could handle the pressure until it gets so bad that he wouldn't know what to do anymore.

"I trust you, I do."

Now it was Harry's turn to sigh, "Then believe in what I say. It's all well and good to _say_ you trust me and my judgment but unless you actually put some faith into me and let me live how I want I can't believe you." Harry felt guilty that he was accusing professor Lupin so harshly, but he really didn't want to talk. He couldn't bare facing Rey's wrath, knowing that if he betrayed her again she might not come back this time. He couldn't lose her over something as stupid as sharing his feelings; he knew that even if he talked about Cedric and how he was feeling over that, nothing would change anyway. Maybe Lupin would give him some advice though Harry really doubted any of it would really be helpful to him.

Lupin looked at Harry, disappointed at himself that he couldn't get through to him. He'd said what he could but nothing seemed to be getting through to the boy. Nodding morosely, Lupin decided he had to at least comply with Harry's wishes if he wanted Harry to have some faith in him. "I'll give you the benefit of the doubt."

Harry smiled pleasantly, "Thank you." Harry exited the room without another word, leaving a distraught Lupin behind. Lupin moved towards his desk chair and sat down slowly, putting his face into his hands.

Where had he gone wrong?


	3. Let It Burn

_A/N:_ Sorry for the slow update! I've been pretty busy with school and friends, etc, so I've been finding it hard to get the time to really sit down and write! Thank you so much for the reviews! It makes me really happy knowing that people actually will read my story and take the time to comment on it. (reviews inspire me to write *hint* .) Anyways, I can't promise a quick update since I've got exams coming up bleh, so sorry in advance but I'll try my best to get the next chapter up ASAP.

The usual **warnings. **

**Disclaimer: **Don't own Harry Potter sadly. :(

Things had been a little awkward as of late in Grimmauld Place. Most of the adults had heard what happened to Harry but were at a loss as to how to approach him. Lupin, instead of actually talking to him anymore, just sent worried glances Harry's way every time they were in the same room. Even though Harry wasn't exactly keen on having Lupin accost him, it was somehow equally annoying that Lupin was keeping a sharp eye on him. Harry certainly did _not _enjoy being watched. These were the events that led to Harry holing himself up in his room.

At least he could have some peace of mind there. Harry dropped himself onto the bed with a thunk, exhausted. All the time he had spent in Grimmauld Place he never really felt relaxed, he thought with his godfather there he could let go and have some fun but it seemed that he and Sirius barely even talked anymore. He shut his eyes in the hope of forgetting everything for a while, and he let his mind drift off into restless sleep.

_Harry found himself standing in a bathroom he recognised as Myrtle's. One of the mirrors we're cracked and the shards of glass littered the floor, stained with someone's blood. The tap had overflowed the clogged sink and the water was pouring incessantly onto the already wet floor. Harry moved a few steps forward towards the sink, his footsteps echoing eerily, squelching in the water and bouncing off the walls. Harry reached the sink and placed his hand on the remaining corner of the broken mirror. He looked at himself but something was off, something that he couldn't place. Suddenly a hollow voice rung through the air, "So this is the lie you made up about who you are… It's awfully convenient, isn't it?"_

_Harry whipped his head around hoping to catch a glimpse of whoever was talking. Her voice echoed through the walls, surrounding the bathroom. Harry listened intently, but the only sounds he could hear was the dripping of the water, drip – drip –drip…_

"_Did you think they would accept you that easily?"_

_Harry whipped his head towards the ceiling where he heard the voice coming from. Harry spotted the owner of the voice sitting casually on the edge of a windowsill, her legs swaying back and forth. The stained glass reflected onto her, splaying myriad of colours across her body, turning her hair into a deep blood-red._

"_Rey…" Harry whispered under his breath._

_Rey giggled and clapped her hands together, "co-rect!" Rey jumped down from the windowsill, and just as Harry was about to scream at her to stop for the height would certainly injure her badly, she began to float down gently like a feather. Harry stared at her as she fluttered down in amazement, "How did you do that?" _

_Rey smiled as her feet touched the floor, "Don't be silly Harry, this is your dream. I can do _whateve_r you want me to." _

_Harry smirked unevenly, a macabre thought coming to his mind, "If this is really my dream, could you destroy the world? Destroy everything and make it burst into flames?"_

_Rey put her fingers onto Harry's lips, "If you wish me to, then so be it. Let it burn." Wisps of smoke began to rise from around Rey's body as her skin melted away from her body, leaving nothing that resembled her. The walls caught on fire and the mirrors began to shatter at the intensity of the heat. Harry looked down upon his own hands to see them melting away in a mix of blood and flesh. The building was crumbling quickly, but all the while only a single thought was running through his head, over and over. _

'_I want the blood to pour from my veins – I want the world to crumble and burn. I want to feel the heat on my skin, burning me, leaving scars on my melted skin. I want to inhale the smoke and feel it filter through my lungs. I want chaos, destruction, disorder… death.' _

Harry awoke in a cold sweat, his hair was damp and his hands were shaking. He wiped away some of the sweat that clung to his body and started to examine his hands. They were still intact and had a slight burning sensation, but the memories of his dripping flesh never left his mind. '_What a dream'_ he thought.

Lupin sighed in defeat. He figured maybe, _just maybe_ if he had left Harry to his own devices for a while he might choose to seek help from him of his own accord. Unfortunately, this wasn't the case. If anything he had closed himself off more from everyone. He knew that Harry really wasn't doing well, and even if his godfather didn't see it – he did.

Sitting in his study he absently tapped his pen on the table. He had landed a temporary job but he was far too distracted to even pay his work any mind. Remus wasn't sure how to approach Harry again without pushing him further away in the process. The whole ordeal gave him a horrible headache. Remus figured sitting there worrying wasn't going to do him much good so he decided to wonder down to the library to read a book and relax.

He didn't care what Sirius said, reading books _was _enjoyable. Remus was surprised to see another person in the corner since the only people that really ever came down here was himself and Hermione. He inclined his head to get a better look at who the person lounging on a chair was. His heart jolted slightly as he realised that it was Harry sitting there, staring at nothing in particular. He willed himself not to get too worked up over the perfect setting and opportunity for a one on one chat, though he also had to remind himself not to push his luck either. If he was going to get Harry to open up to him, he had to move slowly and carefully.

"What a surprise seeing you here, Harry," Remus called neutrally. Harry looked over his shoulder, grunted in response and went back to looking into nothing. Lupin felt his eyebrow twitch.

"Fancy the weather hmm?" He tried again.

"Mm…" was Harry's eloquent reply. Lupin sighed in agitation, he wasn't getting anything out of the boy. Silently, he walked through the shelves looking for something to ease his boredom and distress. Picking up _'The Adventures of Tony the Hobgoblin,' _Remus wandered to a seat opposite of Harry for some private reading/spying time. Once he was settled down and well into his book, Remus peered over the top of the cover. Harry was staring down at his hands, a small furrow working its way across his brow. Lupin privately wondered how interesting hands could actually be since Harry was seeming to take such an intense interest in them.

Harry began to scratch at his left hand leaving bright red scratch marks. Lupin didn't want to seem like he was obviously looking at Harry's actions, but he wanted to ask him about his hand so he stretched and placed the book down, faking a yawn while trying to be casual. Harry looked up at him briefly and continued to scratch at his hand. "Would you like some salve for the itch?" Lupin asked in an innocent voice. Harry stared at him sceptically having seen through Lupin's antics and shook his head, "Err, no thanks I'm fine."

There was an awkward silence in which Lupin and Harry just stared at each other. Neither knew what to say. Harry got up, aware of the eyes on him and scuttled out of the room with a barely audible 'see you later.' Lupin sighed in defeat.

Harry decided to visit Hermione in her room to see if she could figure out how to cure the itch. He could've gone and seen Remus or an adult but he knew the amount of fuss and questions that would accompany it. At least Hermione would probably only give him a lecture or something for not going to someone more experienced.

Harry opened the door to Hermione's room, but froze in place when he laid eyes on Rey standing over Hermione, who was sitting in the bed, both girls gazing intently at each other in dislike. Rey caught sight of Harry locked eyes with him as she silently glided out of the room.

"Why do you hate her?" Harry asked suddenly, his gaze locking onto Hermione's while entering the room.

Hermione adopted an innocent expression, "Who?"

"You know who," Harry snapped back at her. He was annoyed at everyone's attempts at avoiding the subject all the time. He just wanted a straight answer.

Hermione's eyes darkened and a scowl adorned her face, "Well she's just weird isn't she? Everyone thinks so too, I don't see why _you _like her so much."

A flash of anger passed over Harry, "You hate her because she's _weird? _I didn't think you were as shallow as that."

"That's not exactly it..." Hermione responded indignantly, "She's… always wrapped up in her own world, it's like she doesn't even care about anyone else sometimes."

"She has to stay in her own world because of people like _you_ who constantly judge her!"

Hermione shot him a dirty glare, "You know who she is - who her family is. If you had any sense you'd stay out of her way, you'll begin to believe in her ludicrous claims."

Harry's nostrils flared in anger as he stared down at Hermione. "What about Sirius?"

Hermione looked at Harry in confusion, "_What_ about Sirius?"

"Look at him, he's a Black but that doesn't make him evil!"

"Sirius is an exception. Anyway I don't see how he has anything to do with this-"

"He has EVERYTHING to do with this!" Harry interrupted loudly, "I don't judge people based on whose family they were born into."

Hermione bit her lip and looked to the floor, "She's obviously like her family. They're all crazy, the lot of them."

"_Seriously_-" Harry began but was cut off by Hermione's commanding voice.

"HARRY!" Hermione panted in anger, "I think we're going to have to agree to disagree on this one. I'm not going to force you to stay away from her but don't expect me to approve of your friend choices."

Harry sneered, "Who needed your approval anyway?"

Hermione shot him an exasperated look, "Okay… Let's just… Forget about this."

Harry began to absently pick and scratch at his left hand again. He had completely forgotten about his original reason for coming here since his mind was too disorganised at the moment. "Can you tell me one thing?"

Hermione nodded in assent.

"Why does everyone act like she doesn't exist?"

Hermione fiddled with the ruffles of her red blanket while she spoke, "It's easier for everyone like this.

We pretend she's not around and she'll ignore us in favour of her own little world."

Harry nodded in barely suppressed rage. He wanted to yell and shout at the absurdity of the whole situation but then again he wasn't too keen on getting into an argument. Sighing, Harry waved his hands in a confusing gesture trying to convey his rage while leaving the room.

Harry sat in his bedroom with his back against a wall. He was extremely bored at the moment. He wasn't exactly keen on talking to Hermione, Ron or Ginny at the moment since he figured Hermione would've told them what had happened by now, and he was by no means inclined to talk with Remus or any other 'responsible' adult. Harry figured he could talk to Sirius but he just wasn't up for his antics right at the moment. Harry was eternally grateful he would be returning to Hogwarts in another two weeks.

At least there he would have something to do. Thinking about Hogwarts had reminded him of his homework but he quickly dismissed the idea. Homework could always wait for the day before. Harry once again looked down at his left hand. For some reason, it just didn't feel _right._

He so vividly remember his skin melting away leaving nothing but a mix of blood, charcoal and raw flesh. His hand itched persistently and Harry kept scratching away at it, almost in a trance. His hand was on _fire. _He wanted to put out the fire, to feel that skin _gone._

Lupin paced in his study while Sirius lounged on his couch. The tapping of Lupin feet on the floor was enough to drive him insane. "Moony, I swear to Merlin if you don't stop pacing I will get up and hex you myself."

Moony refrained from doing so, but his legs itched in anticipation. He felt unproductive just sitting around in his office waiting for something to happen on the Harry front. "If he's not going to talk to us right now I don't think we can do anything until he wants to. We can't force him to talk after all," Sirius tried to reason in an unexpected moment of maturity. Rather than comforting Lupin, this just made him more distressed.

"Padfoot that's the thing - Harry _won't _talk. I can't get him to open up right now because he's closed himself off so much."

Sirius scratched the back of his head, "if he's anything like James, you won't be able to force him."

Lupin looked at Sirius and began to pace again, "he's _not_ like James, more like Lily really," he said absently.

"Maybe we could trick him into talking to us?" Sirius suggested innocently, and promptly shrinking back into his cough at Remus's withering glare, "or not…"

"If we did that he would never trust us again – talk to us maybe, but not trust."

There was a brief moment of silence before Sirius whispered, Moony I think you need to… calm down a bit. Worrying isn't getting you anywhere." If it was at all possible, Sirius shrank into his couch even more at the looks Lupin gave him.

"Not… Worry? Sirius your godson – James's son – is _suffering _and all you can do is tell me to not _worry _about it? Where were you when he was breaking down? Too busy playing pranks I guess to notice anything was _wrong_ with the child that you're supposed to be looking after! The _child_ who is _not and never will be _James!"

Now, Sirius felt, was _his _time to be angry, "Where was I, you ask? Trapped in bloody Azkaban for TWELVE years, so _excuse me_ if I'm trying to live my life in peace. Now where were _you_ when I, your best friend, was suffering? Cause I sure as hell don't remember you being there for me."

Lupin looked guilty, "How was I supposed to know that you were innocent –"

"You should've _trusted _me!" Sirius countered.

Lupin bit his lip, he knew Sirius was right and he felt guilty about it to this day. If only he had known he could've saved Sirius so much suffering. There was a tense atmosphere in the room, "I know." Lupin replied, his voice dripping with regret. Both men calmed down after a while to their own, they both realised that both arguments had a bit of truth in them. "Sorry," Sirius grinned sheepishly.

Lupin just smiled, they both took that as their queue to stop fighting. "Seriously –no pun intended- I think you should just try ask him straight out," Sirius said calmly.

Lupin sighed, it was worth a try.

Lupin knocked gently on Harry's door and received no response. Lupin quietly opened the door up to a shocking sight. Blood was running down Harry's left forearm and dripping onto the wooden floorboards. Harry's nails were dug deeply into his skin of his palm as he dragged his nails across the raw flesh. Lupin ran over to Harry panicked and held his right hand in a tight grip. Harry looked up at Lupin and finally realised he wasn't by himself. Harry's hazy eyes seemed far away, and even though their gazes were locked, it didn't feel like Harry was looking _at _Lupin. "Harry..." Lupin cautioned, loosening his grip on Harry arm. "What are you doing?"

Harry seemed genuinely surprised by Lupin's question, "I'm putting out the fire," he answered as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Lupin stiffened, he had no clue what Harry was talking about but it didn't sound good. "Harry, what fire?"

Harry gave him an incredulous look, "The fire on my hands! It burns…" he almost whimpered the last words. Lupin felt an influx of emotions. He wanted to help Harry, but he had no idea what was happening. Though there was one thing he was certain of – whatever was happening to Harry wasn't real… he certainly didn't see any fire. "Harry, I'll help you put it out, okay? So don't worry," Lupin said slowly and in what he hoped to be reassuring tone. Harry's whole body seemed to deflate in relief, "thank you."

Lupin's chest clenched painfully and he felt tears coming to his eyes, his son's best friend, one of the most important people to him, was suffering and he wasn't able to help him. Lupin decided that the first thing he needed to do was to clean and bandage the wound, it was the only thing he could think of doing. He conjured a medical kit and got to work. He rubbed a numbing balm gently onto his hand, avoiding any spots that looked too damaged to touch. Lupin never prized himself as a healer, but he had to pick up a few skills over the years seeing as every full moon he would always come back with one injury or another.

He casted a minor skin-knitting spell which managed to at least cover the rawer parts of his hand. The rest that he couldn't do anything about, he bandaged up. "Don't take these off, it's going to be at least five or so days before you can take that off."

Harry nodded absently. Lupin could tell he was upset but he wasn't sure what to say. Instead, he put a comforting hand on Harry's shoulder and both revelled in the silence. The gesture seemed to speak worlds more than words ever could. Now Lupin was stuck - should he tell Dumbledore, or not?


End file.
